Treasuring these days

But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.  Luke 2:19
....His mother treasured all these things in her heart.  v51

We have made it through our first year together, Ellis and I.   Over the past year, he has been learning to eat, sleep, cry, roll over, crawl, and now walk.  And I have been learning to trust.  Learning to slow down and take life one day/hour/nap at a time.  Every new day hits me afresh with the utter helplessness of this gift of motherhood and oh, how grateful I am for the grace of God. 

Some days are good and sweet.  The kind of goodness I can feel deep in my bones.  Other days I struggle.  On the good days, my thoughts are full of prayers and joy and patience for my son.  The other days I fail to hold back the thoughts that rush forward to seize me with worry and fear.  Worry for the future, of what may or may not be.  Fear of not being the mom he needs.  Fear of the inevitable pain that is bound up in this tent of a life.

The fact that every single one of us on this earth has been a baby once has been puzzling me since I had a child of my own.  That all of us helpless human beings had moms and dads that cared for us, loved us, and watched us grow up before their very eyes.  Those first days of life are so fleeting and sweet and I don't know how anyone coped with watching their precious babies grow up.  I thought that maybe my own son would defy all odds and stay small forever, because how could I cope with a growing-up boy?

In the midst of all that, I've set my heart on being like Mary's.  When Jesus was born, she pondered.  She treasured.  Just like every new mom with a new baby does.  But then we see her, mother of a twelve-year old son, still treasuring (Luke 2:51).  Twelve years later and she still is that same amazed and wonder-full girl.  That amazes me.  And I wonder how often I slow down to treasure and to ponder my one year old son.  It was easy in the beginning when Ellis was just born, with all that excitement, newness and new-mom hormones.  Now there's cloth diapers to wash, food to somehow convince him to eat, toys to step on, and something called real-life that gets in the way.  My hope is that I'll never too busy to treasure and ponder.  I pray that some day, when my little boy grows up and doesn't need a diaper change, goes to school and even when he grows a beard, I am still treasuring it all.

It takes a Mary-kind-of heart to know that miracles happen every day.  Remarkable things are happening in what can sometimes feel like the unremarkable days of motherhood.  One of my favourite parts of being a mom is seeing the world come alive through Ellis's eyes.  Watching water drops and leaves quiver in the wind.  How when he drops something, it falls - gravity.  An ant meandering across the path.  Everything is a miracle, and not just the thing he is discovering, but in the discovery itself.  I love watching my boy grow up.

This year of motherhood has been a year of learning how to thrive.  Like many other things in life, I am understanding that this mothering thing is what they call a "long obedience in the same direction." Because what's required of me in this season of my life is long, slow, intentional obedience.  Planting seeds in my son's life with a quiet prayer for good soil.   These days may not feel particularly earth shattering, but someday they'll add up and bear good fruit.  

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© Reuben + ErinMaira Gall